Quantum Leap

There are events that occur in ones life that shift life in new directions. In college I learned of the "quantum leap" that occurs when energy is given to particle until it magically "leaps" to a new state that is unpredictable by it's gradual gain of energy.

So it is that people can make quantum leaps if the right energy is applied at the right time. One such leap occurred to me when I was no more than ten years old. Prior to the event I will describe I can say that I was a very sensitive child, prone to moodiness and eager for the approval of others. If challenged I would find myself quickly on the defensive. Much of my little free time I had alone I would spend exploring the forest paths that surrounded my families estate. The paths were a labyrinth that took me many attempts to memorize. Often I would be lost for hours before finding my way back.

My family was accustomed to hiring nannies to care for me throughout most of the day. These nannies were generally kind and showed concern for my health and education, teaching me the languages they spoke. One such nanny was Nana B.

Nana B came into the employ of my parents like all the others. While I have no doubt she was associated in some way with the Order I now suspect she was trained as a servant.

Initially my experience with her was kind but within the first few weeks I saw a cruel side to her that would show itself only in my presence and only when we were alone. In one moment she would be jovial and kind, in another she would be mean and abusive. Her abuse was purely psychological and consisted of berating everything I did. Often she would belittle how I would clean up after myself and compare my actions to her ideal behavior. Other times, if she was feeling ill she would accuse me to making it happen. My first responses were to be hurt and defensive. I would often yell back at her telling her I had done what she had asked but it was of no use. Any defense I would offer would be unacknowledged and followed with further
abuse.

The "quantum leap" for me came after several months when I realized she would often reach into her pocket and take a pill. "You're giving me anxiety" she would say as she popped it in her mouth. On several occasions she had left her pills out of reach and grew even more anxious when she realized they were not readily at hand. On some days I had seen her take four pills in the course of an hour.

It soon began to dawn on me that many of my assumptions about Nana B were wrong. She was not mean to me because I was doing something wrong. She was mean because blaming others for her misery and taking pills was easier than taking any responsibility for how she felt. She had become one of the pathetic seeds of humanity whose only solace came from blaming others for their pain.

I then extended that "quantum leap" to myself and decided I would no longer act hurt by her abuse. When she would begin her tirade I would calmly look at her and calmly reply "I see." "I understand." while nodding my head as if listening. This worked well for the both of us. For her, she eventually had no more to say and her abuse would fizzle. For me, it proved me superior to her as I was the one in control. The calmness I felt also gave me time to think of better responses and to plan when my time was free.

This quantum leap proved of great value later that year. It was late fall and Nana B seemed to be in a her rare lighthearted mood. This seemed like the ideal time to attempt my plan. I laughingly took her by the hand and asked her to walk to the woods with me. She had never done this before so it seemed like a nice departure from any of our usual activities. Leading her into the forest I kept on the path just far enough ahead of her to be just out of reach. I remained playful and cheery, chatting her up as I pointed at trees as we walked further and further into the woods. On a few occasions she would ask to stop but I would plead to go further wanting her to see a special rock or secret hiding place I'd discovered. It did not take long before I knew that she would have to rely on me to lead her back. At that time I took her by the hand and lead her even deeper into the forest. While she was distracted by the direction I was offering I reached into her pocket and grabbed the pills I saw her place there earlier. I then sped off far ahead of her making certain to keep just within her site.

Then the madness overtook her. "You're giving me anxiety" she screamed as she reached into her pocket. Coming up empty she reached into her other pocket and then spin around patting all her pockets. It was then I stood up bottle in hand and arm outstretched.

Remembering the times she had taunted me I shook the bottle at her and I saw her face redden. Never had I seen her move so quickly but I made certain to always maintain my lead. My agility proved of value when I climbed a rock that kept me just out of her reach. I would shake the pill bottle at her as she gazed up at me trying in vain to reach upward. The sweat began to bead on her forehead and I realized that there was no going back for me. I walked sideways taunting her and in little time her sideways steps on rough ground made her stumble. She regained her footing only for me to see her left arm stiffen up her hand forming a claw. Her face grimaced and turned pale. Clutching her arm she lost her footing again and fell this time rolling again and again over rocks and leaves. Finally her body came to a limp halt.

For several minutes I waited making certain she did not move. Finally I moved closer until I could see her face. It was still colorless. One eye was closed shut while the other remained open. Just above her brow was a gash. I became fascinated by how the flesh separated to expose the boney skull. Around the wound seeped only small amounts of blood and for several minutes I became transfixed by the contrast of flesh, bone and blood.

By now the sun was beginning to set and I calmly walked back through the paths I had memorized to my families house. Before I left I neatly tucked the bottle of pills back into Nana B's pocket, exactly where I had taken them.

The "quantum leap" I learned at that young age has never failed me. While others may seek to oppress and control me it is time and opportunity that will always be on my side. It is through calm and patient guile that I will always be victorious.