The Scenic Falls

One of the pleasures of being a person of means is travel. When I had just left the university I took the liberty to travel with a few friends through Europe and Africa. Much of our time was spent in fun and doing what we laughingly called “breaking commandments” but there were, of course, times that we would want to see the local sights. To do this we would, on occasion, schedule a tour.

So it was we decide to take a tour of a place called Scenic Falls. It was a guided path that walked along a series of cliffs and waterfalls. Like many of these tours there was a briefing preparing us for what we were to see and give the necessary safety briefing. Safety was a concern because there were parts along this tour where the cliffs were present without guardrails and a fall would most certainly be fatal. The main safety precaution was to stay with the group and don't get separated.

The group that gathered for the tour had reached the tour limit size of 25 people. Aside from my friends there were people with whom we had gained some acquaintance and many others about whom we knew nothing. It was typical that people in these tours came with partners or in families but single individuals taking the tour was not unheard of.

Time was put aside for a majority of the afternoon to see the cliffs and waterfalls and, as expected, the tour guide would describe what we were seeing then after some time would usher us on to the next location.

During the tour I had managed to find my way to the front of the group with my travel companions. We were in good spirits laughing and commenting on the natural wonders. The group was mulling about watching a particularly beautiful waterfall when the tour guide told us to move onward.

For some reason I felt compelled to look back and see the faces of the other people in the group. As I scanned the crowd, most of them barely acknowledged me with eye contact and then I saw it happen.

At the very back of the group I saw a man fall over the protective railing and disappear over a treacherous cliff. There wasn't a sound. No one but I saw it happen.

It all happened in an instant and for no apparent cause or reason. It was an instant in which time slowed to a glacial crawl.

In that instant my mind briefly considered the option of panic. Panic would have been understandable for most people. But my mind also told me that I was not like most people. I could chose how to respond to this mans death, or whether to respond at all.

I considered how the man would be dead no matter how I responded and nothing in my ability could change that. I considered the fun that we were having and how my calling attention to a strangers death would put an immediate and lasting halt to everything we were having.

A race of arguments filled my mind “Is doing what is 'right' the same as doing what is best?”

Lastly, I considered my own state of mind. Did I want to plunge myself into a state of distress that put me on the level of the rest of humanity?

That timeless moment must have lasted tow or three seconds. At the end of that slow moment of inner reflection a calmness overtook me and I turned and followed the tour guide with my friends. The mood remained lighthearted as the tour ended and long into the evening where we celebrated and drinking with some people we had met that day.

When we awoke the next day there was a more somber mood that filled the hotel at which we were staying. The word finally came to us that someone had not returned from the tour and was found dead at the bottom of a cliff. We all responded with the obligatory “That's terrible. Who was he?” but little was known of him as there was no one accompanying him.

In the many years that have passed I've had reflections and dreams of that moment. In the dreams I see the man standing just as he was but an entity reaches up pulls him over. In dreams the image will vary, sometimes all I see are wispy hands. In other dreams it is a full figure floating up behind him to carry him downward. Whether that is what happened or not is of no concern for I have seen such things outside of my dreams.

The instant I saw the man fall halted time for me and I've held that moment of silence as a secret gift that has taught me much. It has taught me that there is no such thing as karma. While others would feel guilt for saying nothing I said nothing as a test to all the false gods of karma. My choice to not do the “right” thing and remain silent yielded the best result.

Quantum Leap

There are events that occur in ones life that shift life in new directions. In college I learned of the "quantum leap" that occurs when energy is given to particle until it magically "leaps" to a new state that is unpredictable by it's gradual gain of energy.

So it is that people can make quantum leaps if the right energy is applied at the right time. One such leap occurred to me when I was no more than ten years old. Prior to the event I will describe I can say that I was a very sensitive child, prone to moodiness and eager for the approval of others. If challenged I would find myself quickly on the defensive. Much of my little free time I had alone I would spend exploring the forest paths that surrounded my families estate. The paths were a labyrinth that took me many attempts to memorize. Often I would be lost for hours before finding my way back.

My family was accustomed to hiring nannies to care for me throughout most of the day. These nannies were generally kind and showed concern for my health and education, teaching me the languages they spoke. One such nanny was Nana B.

Nana B came into the employ of my parents like all the others. While I have no doubt she was associated in some way with the Order I now suspect she was trained as a servant.

Initially my experience with her was kind but within the first few weeks I saw a cruel side to her that would show itself only in my presence and only when we were alone. In one moment she would be jovial and kind, in another she would be mean and abusive. Her abuse was purely psychological and consisted of berating everything I did. Often she would belittle how I would clean up after myself and compare my actions to her ideal behavior. Other times, if she was feeling ill she would accuse me to making it happen. My first responses were to be hurt and defensive. I would often yell back at her telling her I had done what she had asked but it was of no use. Any defense I would offer would be unacknowledged and followed with further
abuse.

The "quantum leap" for me came after several months when I realized she would often reach into her pocket and take a pill. "You're giving me anxiety" she would say as she popped it in her mouth. On several occasions she had left her pills out of reach and grew even more anxious when she realized they were not readily at hand. On some days I had seen her take four pills in the course of an hour.

It soon began to dawn on me that many of my assumptions about Nana B were wrong. She was not mean to me because I was doing something wrong. She was mean because blaming others for her misery and taking pills was easier than taking any responsibility for how she felt. She had become one of the pathetic seeds of humanity whose only solace came from blaming others for their pain.

I then extended that "quantum leap" to myself and decided I would no longer act hurt by her abuse. When she would begin her tirade I would calmly look at her and calmly reply "I see." "I understand." while nodding my head as if listening. This worked well for the both of us. For her, she eventually had no more to say and her abuse would fizzle. For me, it proved me superior to her as I was the one in control. The calmness I felt also gave me time to think of better responses and to plan when my time was free.

This quantum leap proved of great value later that year. It was late fall and Nana B seemed to be in a her rare lighthearted mood. This seemed like the ideal time to attempt my plan. I laughingly took her by the hand and asked her to walk to the woods with me. She had never done this before so it seemed like a nice departure from any of our usual activities. Leading her into the forest I kept on the path just far enough ahead of her to be just out of reach. I remained playful and cheery, chatting her up as I pointed at trees as we walked further and further into the woods. On a few occasions she would ask to stop but I would plead to go further wanting her to see a special rock or secret hiding place I'd discovered. It did not take long before I knew that she would have to rely on me to lead her back. At that time I took her by the hand and lead her even deeper into the forest. While she was distracted by the direction I was offering I reached into her pocket and grabbed the pills I saw her place there earlier. I then sped off far ahead of her making certain to keep just within her site.

Then the madness overtook her. "You're giving me anxiety" she screamed as she reached into her pocket. Coming up empty she reached into her other pocket and then spin around patting all her pockets. It was then I stood up bottle in hand and arm outstretched.

Remembering the times she had taunted me I shook the bottle at her and I saw her face redden. Never had I seen her move so quickly but I made certain to always maintain my lead. My agility proved of value when I climbed a rock that kept me just out of her reach. I would shake the pill bottle at her as she gazed up at me trying in vain to reach upward. The sweat began to bead on her forehead and I realized that there was no going back for me. I walked sideways taunting her and in little time her sideways steps on rough ground made her stumble. She regained her footing only for me to see her left arm stiffen up her hand forming a claw. Her face grimaced and turned pale. Clutching her arm she lost her footing again and fell this time rolling again and again over rocks and leaves. Finally her body came to a limp halt.

For several minutes I waited making certain she did not move. Finally I moved closer until I could see her face. It was still colorless. One eye was closed shut while the other remained open. Just above her brow was a gash. I became fascinated by how the flesh separated to expose the boney skull. Around the wound seeped only small amounts of blood and for several minutes I became transfixed by the contrast of flesh, bone and blood.

By now the sun was beginning to set and I calmly walked back through the paths I had memorized to my families house. Before I left I neatly tucked the bottle of pills back into Nana B's pocket, exactly where I had taken them.

The "quantum leap" I learned at that young age has never failed me. While others may seek to oppress and control me it is time and opportunity that will always be on my side. It is through calm and patient guile that I will always be victorious.