One such wish was to climb the hierarchy and to serve the Order from a position of authority. From that wish I have risen to lead programmer within my section but it did not happen all at once. I trained in the medical field and after I had returned from university I was put under the guidance of one of the senior programmers of the Order. My relationship with him was complicated at best.
He had been one of my mentors and handlers throughout my life and he knew me and all my darkest secrets. He had helped to create walls and barriers within me to protect all my secrets within the Order. As our working relationship progressed he would seem to alternate between a nurturing mentor and a cruel competitor. In the beginning he welcomed me with great fondness. We both had medical training and together we contributed to the effectiveness of our job. After a few months another part of him began to emerge. During these times he became the most cruel to me and to the people we were programming. He began to see me not just as a competitor but a possible enemy to the Order.
Within the Order he was respected and feared. As a programmer there was none better. Like many within the Order he sought power also through magic and his reputation as a magician was one that was not to be tested.
Before he agreed to mentor me he asked if I would witness a ritual he was about to perform. The conditions of my participation were that I could not speak or respond during the ritual, only watch. I agreed.
Before beginning the rite he handed me a black sphere. It was polished rock in the shape of a globe, perfectly smooth. “Hold it and note it qualities.” He said. “You will have this when it we are done tonight.” He then took it back and guided me to his personal ritual room within the deeper recesses of his basement.
Handing me a black robe to wear, he put on a tighter black garment that appeared to be a modification of doctors scrubs. The mood became solemn and quiet as soon as we were dressed and he opened a door that lead to a cinder block chamber. In the room was a table and chair I had seen before used by programmers but on the floor was a traced a ritual circle common to many sacred rites. Overhead a row of florescent lights hummed. This was unlike any ritual chamber I had witnessed. What followed created a sense of awe and nausea within me.
He pointed silently where to stand. It was a smaller circle on the floor. With a grin he place his index finger to his lips and gestured me to stay quiet. He then opened a thick metal door on the other end of the room and out flooded a cacophony of whimpers, moans and torturous wales. A moist thick stench rolled out of the darkness as he pulled a small metallic box. From small holes around the box protruded small and dirty fingers. There the box sat as he patently grabbed a leather strap and affixed the black sphere to it. The strap was, in fact, a harness custom made to hold the sphere. With it he unlatched the box and reached in with the be-orbbed harness. A small struggle followed from within the box but ended with a small child being lifted out. The harness was attached to the childs head with the orb affixed inches from the its face. The harness holding the orb obfuscated the childs face but not it's cries.
My attention became focused as my mentor chained the child to the table and began beating it. He shouted at the child “Get into the sphere!” The child cried over and over. Time seemed to stop as my mentors behavior would oscillate during the ritual. On one end brutal beatings with commands. He would then switch to a soft kindly tone and give the child instruction in how to put all his consciousness into the black sphere. “Do that and the pain will end. This hurting will stop.” he would plea to the child. Then suddenly he would raise up to beat and club at the limbs of the child. The clubbing of the limb was occasionally punctuated by the sound of a bone braking and sweat would seep through my mentors garb. During one of these crescendos of rage it all finally ending with a clubbing to the back of the child's head that sounded like a watermelon breaking to the floor. The crys stopped. I could feel the blood rush from my head and as I choked back my vomit I also noticed my own rock hard erection.
My mentor undid the harness that held the sphere from the childs lifeless body. He effortlessly pushed the corpse to the floor as if it were nothing more than table crumbs.
The harness then made it's way again to the metal box and out again emerged another child wearing the orb inches from it's face. This child had quieted and turned catatonic from the murder it just witnessed through the small breathing holes. Led to the table my mentor gave the same instructions but this child was endlessly complaint. “Get into the sphere” was the instruction and almost instantly the child's body turned rigid and then went limp. In that moment I do believe I witnessed the child's whole being entering the sphere. The body of the child was indeed lifeless. As it's bowels and bladder released not a breath or a quiver followed. The harness was removed and the black sphere released from the harnesses restraint. Wiping the black sphere for sweat, blood and mucus, my mentor handed it to me. “For you. So that no one will challenge you.” he said.
Even amid the Order with it's endless degrees of internal politics, when I have wanted something, I have never felt challenged. Perhaps that is why I can so write this testimony so freely. The ritual changed me and even still when my emotions get caught up in the politics of the moment I can now pause and remain calm. My early life was filled with a youthful temperament that angered easily and felt threats where none were present. I realize now that no one can challenge me unless I allow it. There is a greater perspective to life than any instant of anger and fear.
When I think of and hold the black sphere it reminds me in words and screams that no one can challenge me. In time I will concur them. This has proven true in every case.
I am not without wonder how in one moment an object can be nothing more than a paperweight and in the next in can be an instrument of power.
As I then held black stone sphere, and every time since, it no longer was an inanimate stone but living, breathing flesh.
That ritual began my real mentorship and the stone sphere became a sigil of power and protection from that moment on.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
My Initiation Ritual
When I was 17 years old I was asked by my family to tell them what I most would like to have or experience. The question was asked within the context of an upcoming event that would some rite of passage for me. Events like these happen at various times throughout the year and at certain points in a persons life. This particular event was focused around me, our family deity, and an initiation to a new level within the Order. All I was told was that this event was very special for me and it was very important.
It all began as a part of an extravagant evening event. There were many people there dressed in formal attire. All I either recognized as members of the Order or had heard of them during family conversations. It started with a meal in which my father toasted me. After the meal throughout the evening many of them came up to me to congratulate me on my progress and wish me well in my future endeavors. They all seemed quite sincere and excited without giving more details. As the event lingered into the evening I was introduced to the daughter of one of our guests by her parents. I knew her to be no more than thirteen and she seemed to take quite a liking to me. My time with her alternated between mundane conversation, child like games and sexual flirtation. In due course she took me by the hand into a small darkened room and without delay began a series of sexual acts that were far beyond her age. At the conclusion she walked naked to a light switch and turned it on. In the blinding light stood both of our fathers smiling. She coyly leaned her naked back against her fathers body. “You did very well, Princess.” he said as he fondled her. She quickly grabbed her clothes and before the three of them left my father said. “Tonight is your evening, son. All yours.”
I found my way back into the festivities and all seemed as though nothing had happened.
As I have found with many of these events they progress far into the evening beyond the endurance of most people. It is at that time when all retire to a ritual room and in a solemn silence they don dark cowled robes.
They formed a circle. My family and the others present began to evoke Sebek Ra. The room was large and dark, as I was led there I had not visited it before. During the ritual I was guided to a door while the others formed a gauntlet around me. They repeated the list of desires that I had told my family and asked if I was sincere in my desire. I told them yes. At that moment the door in front of me opened and there laid a living crocodile. It was my family totem and symbol of Sebek Ra. It lunged foreword showing it's huge mass and I jumped but was stopped by the people behind me. Then I saw that it was restrained by chains and again they asked if I truly wanted my desires fulfilled. Again, I said yes. “You know what you must do” they told me. It was then that they handed me a baby boy, naked no more than a month old. I was told to have all my desires I must feed him to the god in front of me. They told me I was bound by my family, by my families god, the spirits that serve them, and by my vows to the Order that I must obey.
Even now, after many years and after the great force of will to record my life events, I cannot say what transpired. There still remain parts within me that I dare not wish to expose. What I can say is that I remember each wish I had asked for and they have all came to me in time.
It all began as a part of an extravagant evening event. There were many people there dressed in formal attire. All I either recognized as members of the Order or had heard of them during family conversations. It started with a meal in which my father toasted me. After the meal throughout the evening many of them came up to me to congratulate me on my progress and wish me well in my future endeavors. They all seemed quite sincere and excited without giving more details. As the event lingered into the evening I was introduced to the daughter of one of our guests by her parents. I knew her to be no more than thirteen and she seemed to take quite a liking to me. My time with her alternated between mundane conversation, child like games and sexual flirtation. In due course she took me by the hand into a small darkened room and without delay began a series of sexual acts that were far beyond her age. At the conclusion she walked naked to a light switch and turned it on. In the blinding light stood both of our fathers smiling. She coyly leaned her naked back against her fathers body. “You did very well, Princess.” he said as he fondled her. She quickly grabbed her clothes and before the three of them left my father said. “Tonight is your evening, son. All yours.”
I found my way back into the festivities and all seemed as though nothing had happened.
As I have found with many of these events they progress far into the evening beyond the endurance of most people. It is at that time when all retire to a ritual room and in a solemn silence they don dark cowled robes.
They formed a circle. My family and the others present began to evoke Sebek Ra. The room was large and dark, as I was led there I had not visited it before. During the ritual I was guided to a door while the others formed a gauntlet around me. They repeated the list of desires that I had told my family and asked if I was sincere in my desire. I told them yes. At that moment the door in front of me opened and there laid a living crocodile. It was my family totem and symbol of Sebek Ra. It lunged foreword showing it's huge mass and I jumped but was stopped by the people behind me. Then I saw that it was restrained by chains and again they asked if I truly wanted my desires fulfilled. Again, I said yes. “You know what you must do” they told me. It was then that they handed me a baby boy, naked no more than a month old. I was told to have all my desires I must feed him to the god in front of me. They told me I was bound by my family, by my families god, the spirits that serve them, and by my vows to the Order that I must obey.
Even now, after many years and after the great force of will to record my life events, I cannot say what transpired. There still remain parts within me that I dare not wish to expose. What I can say is that I remember each wish I had asked for and they have all came to me in time.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
entelechies
Among my European parents, it was my German father who took great pain to mentor me in his personal philosophy of power. He was the kindest and most loving to me among my fathers. A central part of his mentoring was that, as a member of the Family, we are different from others only by the virtue of our knowledge. We are born to knowledge while others are born to ignorance.
Ignorance is created by following our needs as animals.
Knowledge comes from knowing that we are Gods born within animal bodies. He would teach that the religions of the world tell us to ignore, suppress an deny our animal nature. They are the religions of denial. The other extreme is to ignore our God-self and indulge only in our passions and desires. This is the religion of addiction.
The Power the Order holds is the middle ground between these two religions. It is the religions that embraces our animal self and God-self. It is the religion that uses our animal pleasures and vehicles to the sublime. He used the word “entelechy” to refer to our actions take as agents of The Order.
Many of these entelechies were to be offered to me.
More to come ....
Ignorance is created by following our needs as animals.
Knowledge comes from knowing that we are Gods born within animal bodies. He would teach that the religions of the world tell us to ignore, suppress an deny our animal nature. They are the religions of denial. The other extreme is to ignore our God-self and indulge only in our passions and desires. This is the religion of addiction.
The Power the Order holds is the middle ground between these two religions. It is the religions that embraces our animal self and God-self. It is the religion that uses our animal pleasures and vehicles to the sublime. He used the word “entelechy” to refer to our actions take as agents of The Order.
Many of these entelechies were to be offered to me.
More to come ....
Thursday, October 1, 2009
memories of my youth
Other memories of my youth, aside from the life of privilege, was the strong emphasis on spiritual indoctrination. Both my father and mother were raised as part a lineage of whose family deity is Sebek Ra, the Egyptian crocodile deity. As part of the Order there were two types of spiritual instruction, instruction of our lineage and instruction of the Order.
From an early age I made vows to the Order and the Great One Whom We Serve. Often these vows were made from my own blood and signed in a Holey book of our Order. There I read the names of my parents and their parents on back generations. Their blood had turned black over time as I knew mine would.
As part of these ritual vows we were told that the of our name would be altered if we broke the vow. The consequences of breaking this vow would be certain death. Having witnessed such ritual executions by the Order I took these vows very seriously.
As I began to make this record of my life I began to test these voes. First I would performing rituals invoking familial deities and spirits and writing my name in blood. I would vow to eat no meat for a month for example. I would later break the secret vow and return to the document to see if the color of the blood signature had changed. It had not. Only after several of these experiments did I begin the effort of recording my thoughts on paper.
More to come ....
From an early age I made vows to the Order and the Great One Whom We Serve. Often these vows were made from my own blood and signed in a Holey book of our Order. There I read the names of my parents and their parents on back generations. Their blood had turned black over time as I knew mine would.
As part of these ritual vows we were told that the of our name would be altered if we broke the vow. The consequences of breaking this vow would be certain death. Having witnessed such ritual executions by the Order I took these vows very seriously.
As I began to make this record of my life I began to test these voes. First I would performing rituals invoking familial deities and spirits and writing my name in blood. I would vow to eat no meat for a month for example. I would later break the secret vow and return to the document to see if the color of the blood signature had changed. It had not. Only after several of these experiments did I begin the effort of recording my thoughts on paper.
More to come ....
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